Behind the Scenes of the Federal Prosecutor's Mess

We here at Tales From The Rust Belt know that the internet is a funny place. Very often conversations and information are exposed that some people would rather keep private. That's apparently what happened with this transcript of an instant message conversation that appeared anonymously in our mailbox. It appears to have something to do with the recent firing of the Federal prosecutors but I'll be darned if I can figure out who the participants are:

Dubya: This whole thing with the prosecutor firings is really messin' things up, Al. I mean I go all the way to South America to figure out how Brazil is makin' gas outta sugar cane and the reporters ignore that and ask me about Human Resource decisions.

AGGonzo: I only did what Karl asked.

TurdBlossom: Don't drag me into this. You're the one who made up those pink slips.

AGGonzo: Only because you asked me to, you weasel! Maybe you should figure out why more people didn't vote for our guy instead of wasting my time prosecuting people you think commited voter fraud.

Dubya: Weasel LOL!!!!!

TurdBlossom: Look, just do your job. There are at least a couple dozen people who voted who shouldn't have. You don't think that's important?

AGGonzo: Right. I'm supposed to be concerned that a few prosecutors blew off your snit fit over a few instances of voter fraud? Don't forget that I've got to figure out some way to subvert the Constitution so you clowns can put terrorists on trial without Habeas Corpus or giving them legal representation.

DarthVP: I find your lack of faith disturbing.

TurdBlossom: So do I. There may have been dozens of people who voted incorrectly and I know they did it maliciously! Those people need to be held accountable for their actions and your prosecutors weren't getting the job done!

AGGonzo: Maybe firing people so your old college buddies can get a job isn't the best way to do things!

Dubya: He's got a point, 'Blossom. If I have to answer questions about your friends getting jobs after we fire someone who was doing just fine it could get embarrassing. The media can be ruthless. I don't know how I would hold them off.

DarthVP: You don't know the power of the Dark Side!

TurdBlossom: Well, boss, I owe Timmy from back in the day for that thing that he did. He's worth the risk.

AGGonzo: That's what I'm talking about. Now I'm in hot water over you doing a friend a favor. Why don't you go back to the junk mail business where you belong?

TurdBlossom: Are you going to cry all day?

AGGonzo: You got a big mouth for someone who sits in the White House without having to go through a Senate confirmation hearing. If you quit tomorrow would anyone notice?

Dubya: I would!

TurdBlossom: Look, those eight prosecutor's weren't on the team. We need people who are going to do what we ask and concentrate on the crimes we think are important.

AGGonzo: You idiot! We don't have anymore races to run. All you had to do was put up with them for 21 months and then we're done. Do you have to be the snotty little cheerleader all the time?

Dubya: I was a cheerleader. Man, those were good times.

AGGonzo: Sir, with all due respect, it's difficult to fire anyone without a good reason. Doing it to Federal prosecutors and expecting them to go quietly is crazy.

TurdBlossom: They weren't on the team! We reward our friends and crush our enemies!

DarthVP: The force is strong with this one.

AGGonzo: Look, I've done everything that was asked of me! I've bent the Constitution into an origami crane trying to figure out how you can listen in on phone calls without a warrant, open people's private mail and hold people without presenting evidence to a judge. Now reporters are asking me about when I'm going to resign. This kind of BS was never part of the deal.

DarthVP: I am altering the deal. Pray I do not alter it further.

TurdBlossom: Yeah, Al. Just suck it up and do what you're told.

AGGonzo: Oh, yeah? If I'm going to be hung out to dry on this then I'm outta here. Let the "Brain" figure out how to put terrrorists on trial while pursuing these stupid vendettas. I bet that will be easy for a college dropout.

**AGGonzo has left**

Dubya: That's just great, Karl. Now what are supposed to do?

TurdBlossom: Well, Condi hasn't been the Attorney General yet. Maybe she'd like a try at it.

**Dubya has left**

TurdBlossom: Hello?

DarthVP: 'Blossom, you can destroy the Emperor. He has foreseen this. It is your destiny. Join me, and together we will rule the galaxy as father and son. Come with me. It is the only way.

TurdBlossom: Yikes!

**TurdBlossom has left**

DarthVP: Hmph.

**DarthVP has left**